It is so good to read your deep reflections again, even if they are born out of hardship. Praying for you and your family now as you navigate this journey.
I am very much a Martha, who tries to lean into my Mary side. And actually, new research shows Mary and Martha might be one in the same. Did you see this sermon last year based on that? I find it revolutionary in lots of ways! https://dianabutlerbass.substack.com/p/mary-the-tower
thank you, dear friend. I think I am getting so worked up as I am rather a Mary. Getting into the Martha role at my home of origin feels a bit like getting stuck. I love the image of Mary the tower. I think without that tower I am getting lost quickly. So I will start climbing again :-) Love always!
Christine, A fascinating and even revolutionary thought. That Mary Magdala, might be Mary the Tower. I would encourage folks to read this. And, as Butler-Bass says, it still leaves us with a helpful story about the active and contemplative life. Thanks for posting this.
Oh, Almut, reading the complexity and heartbreak of your Mother's decent into a world that is not here, the immediate collapse of your father into illness because he could let go, at least for a while, and your taking up the mantle of Martha was overwhelming. It made me cry.
Martha is a doer and she is overwhelming. Isn't she? I sense with you and in so many instances in my life that Martha is, (was) determined to bring some order to chaos. The chaos does not have be the hair on fire type. It can be the continual rocking of a ship unmoored. You have to jump up and grab the plates before they slide to the floor. I myself have paid a price for Martha always being in charge, why, I never knew that Mary had space or a place. Only in the past few years have I even discovered Mary. At first it was like, "Who the hell are you?" Now Mary is revealing herself and expanding into my life.
Your beautiful gift today reminds me and reaffirms the necessity and the importance of Martha and the wisdom and centering of Mary in my life.
My prayers are with your Mother as she walks this most difficult road, with your father as he walks along side her, with you (and Chuck) in your support of your parents and the little one as she bears witness to the care of family and strengthens her bond with her grandparents.
Kathleen, thank you so much for such a beautiful response. I enjoyed each and every word of your writing. And thank you for making me smile reading your:
"Only in the past few years have I even discovered Mary. At first it was like, "Who the hell are you?" Now Mary is revealing herself and expanding into my life."
I am so glad to hear that Mary and you finally got to know each other :-)
My heart goes out to you. Like many others, I watched my mother descend into dementia. You learn to find moments like your walk in the woods, to come back to yourself. We are all Mary and Martha.❤️
May blessings, like blossoms, fall all around you Almut. Your journey home brings with it many awarenesses and feelings. Thank you for sharing them with us is such a powerful way. I am a first-born Martha who has always felt like I was "doing" life wrong by not being able to be more "Mary-like." Your blessing was like a healing balm for me. Sending you peace and compassion during this time with your parents and moments of joy too.
so interesting, Valerie, I always felt there was something wrong with me to identify more with Mary :-) So as always the healing balm is to allow each moment to its fullest. Thank you for your kind note.
I come from a long line of Martha’s and am grateful for their examples and call upon their wisdom. As I come up my 74th birthday, I realize that I have lived longer than all of them. My life is so much more “comfortable “ than theirs ever was. I have the privilege of time to myself, for reading , quiet prayer , meditation, relaxation. I’m thinking now that I want to gather them, invite them, these hard working women a share this blessing with them.
“She was simply buried under a schedule of new tasks” - that had been my fate for the past 14 months - ever since my husband had a stroke, and then three more. He was always more the caretaker, cook, grocery shopper. I do not make a good Martha! Thank you for this piece it has me musing. Substack gives me some Mary moments, as does Sunday service, and a few other regular activities.
I was raised to be a Martha as I was the oldest and expected to be a leader in caring for and about others. I embraced that role, but also was often fatigued and drained. Then I read "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris which provided growth and rest with her call for contemplation integrated in daily life.
This is exactly what I’ve been pondering after 7 long years during which I’ve lost myself and my health, as I long for days of self care and contemplation. I’m grateful for your story — I’m grateful for your prayer. xo♥️
Dear Lori, I am glad my words connected with your heart. You know, Martha's sacred care includes the care for ourselves, and our dear soul. We so often just do not see Martha in her sacred role or providing this to our very self.
As one who has always been recognized by my family as Martha, so often losing my connection with Mary, your words were both a comfort and a reminder that it is up to me to nurture Mary and thank Martha for her work.
Thank you for sharing your insights into our complex beings and our complicated roles. Blessings on your time in your childhood home and with your parents.
Thank you for the blessing, Almut. Right now I am the exhausted Martha longing for a Mary moment. (honestly longing for lots of Mary moments). Praying for grace for all my Martha sisters today.
I wish I had this blessing 20 years ago when I was in the full blush of Martha, with Mary peeking out. It seems that age (wisdom?) and much trial and error, veering too far into Martha to "get things done", I now have an internal meter that warns me when I'm scooching into too much Martha. Martha, after all, is the part of us that has to do certain things. In fact, you know this, standing in both, and all, places is really the country of an integrated life. Without this Mary's Mary, life would not be sane or rich. I now veer far into Mary country, as privilege allows me, and I am grateful. Oh, Almut. Thank you, and blessings on your time with your parents. I miss mine every day. Well, almost.
Thank you, dear Mary. I love to hang out in Mary country and I miss her a lot when she gets buried under Martha stuff :-) Standing firm in both places indeed is the lesson of a life time I guess. Thank you so much for your well wishes for our time with my parents 🙏. Well wishes to you, too. I can see how music binds you back to your upbringing. 🎶
"What's in the way IS the way," says Mary O'Malley. Thank you for your sensitive heart for that which is currently in your way and difficult. In the process the deep, wise way opens up. Through you, also for us.
It is so good to read your deep reflections again, even if they are born out of hardship. Praying for you and your family now as you navigate this journey.
I am very much a Martha, who tries to lean into my Mary side. And actually, new research shows Mary and Martha might be one in the same. Did you see this sermon last year based on that? I find it revolutionary in lots of ways! https://dianabutlerbass.substack.com/p/mary-the-tower
thank you, dear friend. I think I am getting so worked up as I am rather a Mary. Getting into the Martha role at my home of origin feels a bit like getting stuck. I love the image of Mary the tower. I think without that tower I am getting lost quickly. So I will start climbing again :-) Love always!
Christine, A fascinating and even revolutionary thought. That Mary Magdala, might be Mary the Tower. I would encourage folks to read this. And, as Butler-Bass says, it still leaves us with a helpful story about the active and contemplative life. Thanks for posting this.
Oh, Almut, reading the complexity and heartbreak of your Mother's decent into a world that is not here, the immediate collapse of your father into illness because he could let go, at least for a while, and your taking up the mantle of Martha was overwhelming. It made me cry.
Martha is a doer and she is overwhelming. Isn't she? I sense with you and in so many instances in my life that Martha is, (was) determined to bring some order to chaos. The chaos does not have be the hair on fire type. It can be the continual rocking of a ship unmoored. You have to jump up and grab the plates before they slide to the floor. I myself have paid a price for Martha always being in charge, why, I never knew that Mary had space or a place. Only in the past few years have I even discovered Mary. At first it was like, "Who the hell are you?" Now Mary is revealing herself and expanding into my life.
Your beautiful gift today reminds me and reaffirms the necessity and the importance of Martha and the wisdom and centering of Mary in my life.
My prayers are with your Mother as she walks this most difficult road, with your father as he walks along side her, with you (and Chuck) in your support of your parents and the little one as she bears witness to the care of family and strengthens her bond with her grandparents.
Kathleen, thank you so much for such a beautiful response. I enjoyed each and every word of your writing. And thank you for making me smile reading your:
"Only in the past few years have I even discovered Mary. At first it was like, "Who the hell are you?" Now Mary is revealing herself and expanding into my life."
I am so glad to hear that Mary and you finally got to know each other :-)
Thank you Almut, I needed this in my current life circumstances. 🧡
You are very welcome, dear one.
My heart goes out to you. Like many others, I watched my mother descend into dementia. You learn to find moments like your walk in the woods, to come back to yourself. We are all Mary and Martha.❤️
Thank you so much, Kathleen, for your kind words 🙏
May blessings, like blossoms, fall all around you Almut. Your journey home brings with it many awarenesses and feelings. Thank you for sharing them with us is such a powerful way. I am a first-born Martha who has always felt like I was "doing" life wrong by not being able to be more "Mary-like." Your blessing was like a healing balm for me. Sending you peace and compassion during this time with your parents and moments of joy too.
so interesting, Valerie, I always felt there was something wrong with me to identify more with Mary :-) So as always the healing balm is to allow each moment to its fullest. Thank you for your kind note.
I come from a long line of Martha’s and am grateful for their examples and call upon their wisdom. As I come up my 74th birthday, I realize that I have lived longer than all of them. My life is so much more “comfortable “ than theirs ever was. I have the privilege of time to myself, for reading , quiet prayer , meditation, relaxation. I’m thinking now that I want to gather them, invite them, these hard working women a share this blessing with them.
Beautiful image, Sue, to invite the women who walked before us and celebrate both, Martha and Mary with-in.
PS. And we can learn together to embrace our “Mary”.
“She was simply buried under a schedule of new tasks” - that had been my fate for the past 14 months - ever since my husband had a stroke, and then three more. He was always more the caretaker, cook, grocery shopper. I do not make a good Martha! Thank you for this piece it has me musing. Substack gives me some Mary moments, as does Sunday service, and a few other regular activities.
Many blessings in this time. I hope Mary and Martha find their balance in you.
And blessings to you. Writing this piece has helped with the balance already :-)
I was raised to be a Martha as I was the oldest and expected to be a leader in caring for and about others. I embraced that role, but also was often fatigued and drained. Then I read "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris which provided growth and rest with her call for contemplation integrated in daily life.
June, what a beautiful example of the needed integration of both. Bless you for sharing your experience with us!
Thank you for the reminder that all the Martha's need Mary moments. Reconnecting and healing.
you are so welcome, Adele, I needed the reminder the most 😇
This is exactly what I’ve been pondering after 7 long years during which I’ve lost myself and my health, as I long for days of self care and contemplation. I’m grateful for your story — I’m grateful for your prayer. xo♥️
Dear Lori, I am glad my words connected with your heart. You know, Martha's sacred care includes the care for ourselves, and our dear soul. We so often just do not see Martha in her sacred role or providing this to our very self.
As one who has always been recognized by my family as Martha, so often losing my connection with Mary, your words were both a comfort and a reminder that it is up to me to nurture Mary and thank Martha for her work.
Blessings
Yes! Thank you, Christine. Do thank Martha and welcome Mary. That sounds just right :-)
Thank you for sharing your insights into our complex beings and our complicated roles. Blessings on your time in your childhood home and with your parents.
Thank you, Donna, for reading and for sharing 🙏
Thank you for the blessing, Almut. Right now I am the exhausted Martha longing for a Mary moment. (honestly longing for lots of Mary moments). Praying for grace for all my Martha sisters today.
Thank you, dear Martha sister. Praying for lots of Mary moments for you 🙏
I wish I had this blessing 20 years ago when I was in the full blush of Martha, with Mary peeking out. It seems that age (wisdom?) and much trial and error, veering too far into Martha to "get things done", I now have an internal meter that warns me when I'm scooching into too much Martha. Martha, after all, is the part of us that has to do certain things. In fact, you know this, standing in both, and all, places is really the country of an integrated life. Without this Mary's Mary, life would not be sane or rich. I now veer far into Mary country, as privilege allows me, and I am grateful. Oh, Almut. Thank you, and blessings on your time with your parents. I miss mine every day. Well, almost.
Thank you, dear Mary. I love to hang out in Mary country and I miss her a lot when she gets buried under Martha stuff :-) Standing firm in both places indeed is the lesson of a life time I guess. Thank you so much for your well wishes for our time with my parents 🙏. Well wishes to you, too. I can see how music binds you back to your upbringing. 🎶
"What's in the way IS the way," says Mary O'Malley. Thank you for your sensitive heart for that which is currently in your way and difficult. In the process the deep, wise way opens up. Through you, also for us.
Bless you, George, for this lovely comment 🙏. What’s in the way us the way. Indeed!