I feel all of this deeply with you and pray you continue to experience comfort, care, and healing in the greening of your heart chakra, as Hildegard saw possible. A heart of flesh, not stone, is so very tender.
Family visits come with their very special heart ache. Don’t they?
That poignant statement is so pregnant with feeling. It brings up longing for my childhood days, the comfort of home and protection of my parents. Not everyone had this, but I did with my family of five siblings and parents who were married over 50 years. It’s bittersweet when the parents are gone and everyone is scattered here and yon across the country and one sister has gone ahead of us to bask in the Son. Get togethers are rare, though we stay in touch. Everyone has their kids and grandkids and precious siblings take a backseat. Then when you leave them, it’s with heaviness because we are old now and will we meet again? The memories are breaking waves lasting but a moment on the shore then rushing away absorbed back into the sea, but they come continuously until the lull. In the lull is the ache because I can’t capture and hang on to that time. And I don’t have the time to sit and indulge in the memories. I wonder what my mother in law thought about in her latter nineties (she lived to 101!) whiling away hours in her recliner with little she could do. Maybe she could enjoy and hang on to her memories while praying the Lord would call her home soon. Family has a very special place in my heart. And the loss of my only child who is living overseas with my only grandchild is a heartache too. That’s emptiness. That’s too tender to explore. So maybe I understand your parents who wanted to be that involved grandma or grandpa but it’s not available to them. That’s sadness. But, for me, I want success for my son. I just miss him.
Thank you, Henry, this reads like a contemplation one can read over and over again. Soothing and centering. I felt something of the awe and mystery but also roundedness in the elements your poem portraits when watching my Dr. mixing the herbal medicine.
Almut, I started a comment many times since the 13th in response to your painful, honest and offering of hope. There is a saying, "Much was decided before you were born." I have often thought about the fear or terror, the physical and emotion strength, the despair and resignation and perhaps, and hopefully the spark of hope that drove those decisions. Your absolutely poignant story of your family and the impact through three generations, to me, demonstrates the courage and heartbreak of enduring and surviving horrific situations. My heart ached for you as you wept. I too have thought the pain of my heart was once and for all attended to and that I could move on. As the British say, "Done and dusted." Yet, the weeping of the heart continues. It is the mourning for what was, what was lost or never gained. And the mourning is also for the generations before me. The spark of hope you offered in the Divine Father, of Divine Love and Chuck's blessing offering a place of peace and comfort and rest has helped this old sorrow filled heart feel a bit better.
I too, watch the tragedy in the Middle East, in Ukraine, in the Sudan, in Haiti, am haunted by what lies ahead for all those desperately trying to live. How will it reverberate through their lives and within generations to come? We do not have the answer but unfortunately if past is prologue we have a good idea. Unless the spark of hope and Divine Love can intercede.
So beautiful said, Kathleen. Thank you, thank you 🙏. Especially your words: “I too have thought the pain of my heart was once and for all attended to and that I could move on. …Yet, the weeping of the heart continues. It is the mourning for what was, what was lost or never gained. And the mourning is also for the generations before me.”
So true. I am grateful to see how my words resonate and create new ones ❤️🩹
"I do not know another place where joy and heartache so closely intermingle than in families."
This is so true and often unsaid. Thinking of you and all your heartache.
Also, the more I read about inherited trauma (I'm on my third book as we speak) the more I am convinced that it has significant power over all of us and we've only been able to scratch the surface at understanding it.
Yes, this is true, Christine, thank you! There have been studies in Germany and in Israel on it as it is so intense in both countries for the following generations. But I think also the trauma immigrants carry in the US has powerful effects on the following generations. In biblical terms there is the saying of the sin which carries on over many generations, the same is true for trauma, too.
Kierkegaard writes so well about his father carrying his wound closed up in his heart and how he laid it on his children as this secret no one could quite grasp. It probably does not need a war for this to happen in families.
And still what is true for intergenerational trauma is also true for traumatic growth, which brings hope. There is always at least one in each generation who steps out of the shadow and tries to understand - or becomes a therapist :-)
Yes, I was thinking about that scripture in relation to this. And I agree with you that the impact of war will of course carry those long lasting effects, it can be true for everyday traumas as well.
And too bad becoming a therapist doesn't seem to fix it as much as I'd like!
"My heart hurts from all those tensions endured, from the delicate dance around people’s needs and my own need for peace and appreciation."
Oh, how I can relate to this... I find this to be true in daily life as well, not just on a trip... balancing the needs of so many people. Ironically, I also turned to acupuncture to help me heal from all those tensions. As I read about your experience of "when will she return," "will she return," but "today was different..." I felt as if I was there. Every acupuncture visit was like you described except for one... as soon as the needles were placed I began to cry and felt a release of so many emotions... a shift into a healing journey.
Thank you for sharing all of this... I love how you likened TCM to Hildegard's way :)
Thank you, Christina, so nice to hear that my words resonated with your experience. It is always a risk to show ourselves vulnerable! And yes, it is interesting how Hildegard's monastic medicine and other traditional medicine systems share their holistic world view.
It's hard enough to make it in this love-starved world alone but lines like this: "I suddenly could see the pain of war and the lack of love, handed down across generations" show that it's fair to wonder what chance we have if misery and pain are riding the cattle cars of intergenerational trauma as well. The Hindus call it Karma, but a rose by any other name...The message of this post is a beacon gnawing at the darkness and hopelessness of this world. Time to send that message to our hearts and minds–it's great food!
Good evening Almut (and Chuck and the Little One)- may there be peace for you all after your journey. So much of what you shared rang true for me.
"I do not know another place where joy and heartache so closely intermingle than in families." Truth here.
The final section about your father and his trauma reminded me of a long conversation I had with a friend today. When we are the recipients of unspoken trauma, I think it is difficult to understand what to do with all that has been handed to you.
Thank you for opening up the conversation, there is much for me to ponder.
thank you, dear Katie. And yes, that is very much true, we carry much unspoken trauma, which is so hard for children of war survivors or the holocaust for instance. We now know much more about intergenerational trauma than we ever did before. So there is a psychological way of speaking about it or we can describe it in terms of our spiritual journey. Both mean the same. Blessings to you <3
Yes. Families offer is so many opportunities and disappoint so often. They possess such knowing love, if they will share. They help us see who we are, if they can do so gently. And we must be ready to receive the blessings and the wounds, to grow.
TCM is such a wholistic healing path. Gentle. Direct. Quiet. Thorough. Slow. It feels honest.
I need "honest" so much these days. Honesty and reality keep me grounded. I expect some rocky patches in 2024. May this 2024 path teach me what I need to learn for this time.
Almut and Chuck, thank you, thank you for your honest blessings.
I feel all of this deeply with you and pray you continue to experience comfort, care, and healing in the greening of your heart chakra, as Hildegard saw possible. A heart of flesh, not stone, is so very tender.
Family visits come with their very special heart ache. Don’t they?
That poignant statement is so pregnant with feeling. It brings up longing for my childhood days, the comfort of home and protection of my parents. Not everyone had this, but I did with my family of five siblings and parents who were married over 50 years. It’s bittersweet when the parents are gone and everyone is scattered here and yon across the country and one sister has gone ahead of us to bask in the Son. Get togethers are rare, though we stay in touch. Everyone has their kids and grandkids and precious siblings take a backseat. Then when you leave them, it’s with heaviness because we are old now and will we meet again? The memories are breaking waves lasting but a moment on the shore then rushing away absorbed back into the sea, but they come continuously until the lull. In the lull is the ache because I can’t capture and hang on to that time. And I don’t have the time to sit and indulge in the memories. I wonder what my mother in law thought about in her latter nineties (she lived to 101!) whiling away hours in her recliner with little she could do. Maybe she could enjoy and hang on to her memories while praying the Lord would call her home soon. Family has a very special place in my heart. And the loss of my only child who is living overseas with my only grandchild is a heartache too. That’s emptiness. That’s too tender to explore. So maybe I understand your parents who wanted to be that involved grandma or grandpa but it’s not available to them. That’s sadness. But, for me, I want success for my son. I just miss him.
I hear you, Peggy, with all the bliss and grief which comes with raising a family. Thank you for sharing it with us 🙏
After reading your lovely essay I wrote this poem.
The Maker and His Herbs
And the Maker sows the seed of an herb upon the ground,
in near stillness it penetrates soil and breaks the dark earth,
and in some measure of time a sprout pierces the hull
to come as root and stem, to come as leaf and flower
standing radiant before the One Who Made the World.
And the wise gardener comes to gather the beautiful herb,
the root and stem, the leaf and flower, and the wonder held within,
to dry and preserve, to sometimes crush to light powder
with the knowing mystery of the One Who Made the World,
now ready to aid wearied travelers with dry and crushed radiance.
And the Maker guides the physician to administer a healing,
in near stillness it enters the body, the essence penetrating,
to bring sweet succor as it spills the healing out upon another,
the Maker in the mystery, to pierce the spirit and heal the wound,
coming to full life again, all derived of the Maker’s good earth.
Henry Lewis, 18 March 2024
Thank you, Henry, this reads like a contemplation one can read over and over again. Soothing and centering. I felt something of the awe and mystery but also roundedness in the elements your poem portraits when watching my Dr. mixing the herbal medicine.
After reading your lovely essay I wrote a poem. Here it is.
The Maker and His Herbs
And the Maker sows the seed of an herb upon the ground,
in near stillness it penetrates soil and breaks the dark earth,
and in some measure of time a sprout pierces the hull
to come as root and stem, to come as leaf and flower
standing radiant before the One Who Made the World.
And the wise gardener comes to gather the beautiful herb,
the root and stem, the leaf and flower, and the wonder held within,
to dry and preserve, to sometimes crush to light powder
with the knowing mystery of the One Who Made the World,
now ready to aid wearied travelers with dry and crushed radiance.
And the Maker guides the physician to administer a healing,
in near stillness it enters the body, the essence penetrating,
to bring sweet succor as it spills the healing out upon another,
the Maker in the mystery, to pierce the spirit and heal the wound,
coming to full life again, all derived of the Maker’s good earth.
Henry Lewis, 18 March 2024
beautiful indeed 😇
Almut, I started a comment many times since the 13th in response to your painful, honest and offering of hope. There is a saying, "Much was decided before you were born." I have often thought about the fear or terror, the physical and emotion strength, the despair and resignation and perhaps, and hopefully the spark of hope that drove those decisions. Your absolutely poignant story of your family and the impact through three generations, to me, demonstrates the courage and heartbreak of enduring and surviving horrific situations. My heart ached for you as you wept. I too have thought the pain of my heart was once and for all attended to and that I could move on. As the British say, "Done and dusted." Yet, the weeping of the heart continues. It is the mourning for what was, what was lost or never gained. And the mourning is also for the generations before me. The spark of hope you offered in the Divine Father, of Divine Love and Chuck's blessing offering a place of peace and comfort and rest has helped this old sorrow filled heart feel a bit better.
I too, watch the tragedy in the Middle East, in Ukraine, in the Sudan, in Haiti, am haunted by what lies ahead for all those desperately trying to live. How will it reverberate through their lives and within generations to come? We do not have the answer but unfortunately if past is prologue we have a good idea. Unless the spark of hope and Divine Love can intercede.
So beautiful said, Kathleen. Thank you, thank you 🙏. Especially your words: “I too have thought the pain of my heart was once and for all attended to and that I could move on. …Yet, the weeping of the heart continues. It is the mourning for what was, what was lost or never gained. And the mourning is also for the generations before me.”
So true. I am grateful to see how my words resonate and create new ones ❤️🩹
❤️
"I do not know another place where joy and heartache so closely intermingle than in families."
This is so true and often unsaid. Thinking of you and all your heartache.
Also, the more I read about inherited trauma (I'm on my third book as we speak) the more I am convinced that it has significant power over all of us and we've only been able to scratch the surface at understanding it.
Yes, this is true, Christine, thank you! There have been studies in Germany and in Israel on it as it is so intense in both countries for the following generations. But I think also the trauma immigrants carry in the US has powerful effects on the following generations. In biblical terms there is the saying of the sin which carries on over many generations, the same is true for trauma, too.
Kierkegaard writes so well about his father carrying his wound closed up in his heart and how he laid it on his children as this secret no one could quite grasp. It probably does not need a war for this to happen in families.
And still what is true for intergenerational trauma is also true for traumatic growth, which brings hope. There is always at least one in each generation who steps out of the shadow and tries to understand - or becomes a therapist :-)
Yes, I was thinking about that scripture in relation to this. And I agree with you that the impact of war will of course carry those long lasting effects, it can be true for everyday traumas as well.
And too bad becoming a therapist doesn't seem to fix it as much as I'd like!
ha! that is very true. I got much out of Eckhart's understanding of shedding our layers. It is just an ongoing process of deepening I guess.
"My heart hurts from all those tensions endured, from the delicate dance around people’s needs and my own need for peace and appreciation."
Oh, how I can relate to this... I find this to be true in daily life as well, not just on a trip... balancing the needs of so many people. Ironically, I also turned to acupuncture to help me heal from all those tensions. As I read about your experience of "when will she return," "will she return," but "today was different..." I felt as if I was there. Every acupuncture visit was like you described except for one... as soon as the needles were placed I began to cry and felt a release of so many emotions... a shift into a healing journey.
Thank you for sharing all of this... I love how you likened TCM to Hildegard's way :)
Thank you, Christina, so nice to hear that my words resonated with your experience. It is always a risk to show ourselves vulnerable! And yes, it is interesting how Hildegard's monastic medicine and other traditional medicine systems share their holistic world view.
It's hard enough to make it in this love-starved world alone but lines like this: "I suddenly could see the pain of war and the lack of love, handed down across generations" show that it's fair to wonder what chance we have if misery and pain are riding the cattle cars of intergenerational trauma as well. The Hindus call it Karma, but a rose by any other name...The message of this post is a beacon gnawing at the darkness and hopelessness of this world. Time to send that message to our hearts and minds–it's great food!
Thank you, jack. Yes, we all carry the burdens of our forefathers as individuals and as nations.
Good evening Almut (and Chuck and the Little One)- may there be peace for you all after your journey. So much of what you shared rang true for me.
"I do not know another place where joy and heartache so closely intermingle than in families." Truth here.
The final section about your father and his trauma reminded me of a long conversation I had with a friend today. When we are the recipients of unspoken trauma, I think it is difficult to understand what to do with all that has been handed to you.
Thank you for opening up the conversation, there is much for me to ponder.
thank you, dear Katie. And yes, that is very much true, we carry much unspoken trauma, which is so hard for children of war survivors or the holocaust for instance. We now know much more about intergenerational trauma than we ever did before. So there is a psychological way of speaking about it or we can describe it in terms of our spiritual journey. Both mean the same. Blessings to you <3
Yes. Families offer is so many opportunities and disappoint so often. They possess such knowing love, if they will share. They help us see who we are, if they can do so gently. And we must be ready to receive the blessings and the wounds, to grow.
TCM is such a wholistic healing path. Gentle. Direct. Quiet. Thorough. Slow. It feels honest.
I need "honest" so much these days. Honesty and reality keep me grounded. I expect some rocky patches in 2024. May this 2024 path teach me what I need to learn for this time.
Almut and Chuck, thank you, thank you for your honest blessings.
Dear Carol, thank you for your comment. and yes to all. Well wishes and prayers for your 2024.