When I fell in love with the man who would become my partner in life, I was struck by a vision that was as unsettling as it was profound: a glimpse of myself standing at his graveside.
Thank you for sharing your deeply affecting love story, a marriage of mind and heart. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the ashes symbolizing sacrifice, an apt metaphor for some aspects of marriage.
Last year I shared our love story with the world, My Checkered Life: A Marriage Memoir.
Just visited your website. How interesting, especially your Mennonite upbringing! You seem to have a rich story. Will you share it soon with us on Substack, too?
In a month I will be married 46 years and 5 years of dating/partnership. Love and marriage is messy, people are messy. I felt many emotions coming through from your writing. I felt your anxiety was palpable., hence the beauty of Ash Wednesday. Love will always be. Forever.
Yes I can relate. My husband and I are sitting across from each other in our living room , the sun going down here on Burnaby Mtn., in Burnaby , BC, Canada. Many days we mention the reality of one of us not being here at some point. We’ve have been married for soon 52 years with many challenges of a long marriage. Valentines Day and Ash Wednesday go well together. All I can say is that I am so grateful for where this life has taken us with God holding our hands. It has been hard but so full of meaning and lessons in what actually love is. Thank you for your writing .
Reading this at the end of a long day, with some drama, not of my own making. Feet up, watching the lovely gentle snow that comes finally, for I am a snow person and was worried about the Earth when it reacts to our mishandling of her by being warm. Now, you: You are so helpful in your honesty and doubts, disappointments. I can hear you so clearly in all of this, dear Almut. And you echo our worries and ambivalence about this country, too. I loved hearing the beginning of the love story. We are dust and to dust we shall return.
So lovely, Mary, I actually sent my post from St. Paul and made my way back through the flurry 😇. And thank you so very much for your gracious support. I am stunned and grateful 🥰
You are a wonderful writer. This made me remember a music video from a couple of years ago. Both made me cry the first time I encountered them. Here's the link. https://youtu.be/-R4gSeY0XtY?si=0D4VhLtih9aibvoR
"If we love deeply we will loose deeply." This a million times over!
Thank you for sharing your profound love (and loss) story. Your vulnerability here about what it means to love is real and needed among the saccharine nature of Valentine's day. And I appreciated your naming of the losses that keep coming throughout marriage (Might be especially on my mind as I prepare a post all about types of loss for tomorrow). And what a beautiful blessing by Chuck, it was neat to get to know him a little more here and more of your love story.
Thank you so much, Christine, it is indeed a balancing act how to reveal and how to show up vulnerable in writing, isn’t it? Thank you for reading and for sharing how it spoke to you 🙏
Almut, such a powerful and poignant writing from your heart and soul. Your honesty and forthrightness allows us, me, to breathe, I'm at the age of reflecting on those struggles of where I imagined and where I found myself years later. Oh, so many roads, so many twists and turns and tragedies. And the greatest tragedy was having that deepest love and losing it, losing him. Yet, I disagree with you a bit, love, in my experience does keep on giving in an unexpected way...in stories. Twelvel years ago or so, my wonderful husband completely remodeled the downstairs bathroom. When he showed me his masterpiece, I asked, ah, where is the heat? He looked at the floor, let out a few choice words and said he forgot to cut the tile for the heat vent. He assured me, he would take care of it looking at me with his huge blue eyes and a bear hug. Ted died seven years ago. Since then on very cold winter mornings, I step in and step out and with all the love in my heart exclaim, "Damn it, Ted" The love is as alive as it was the day we gazed at that bathroom floor. For with my exclamation, all the warmth of my love for him sweeps through me...I've been loved and I've been loved by him. His love resides in my soul. What a gift.
Kathleen, thank you so much for your great comment and for disagreeing with me! Because you are so right and so point on. I had stumbled over this sentence about Love which does not go on giving every time I edited my piece. Who put this sentence even in there?! it is not right, or only right in some cases, or depending what kind of love we are referring to.
You are so right, the beauty of love is that it connects us to the realm of transcendence, that it is itself a gift of eternity shining into our life. And as you know even the love between partners transcends death and isn’t it what consoles the one who stays behind?
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of Ted and you. As always it has your very special humor 😇
I will have to rewrite my piece, yes I do. Because “faith, hope, love” are the most important gifts but love is the greatest among them. What is limited is our ability to love or the one we love or our commitment to love. But love itself is a gift from beyond we can only participate in but we can’t own it and thus not even loose it! How consoling.
Thank you, thank you, dear friend, for making it right !🥰
Oh how this resonates with me! Our stories quite similar. Your reflections help me learn how to think about my marriage, my memories of its difficult times, and to sustain the deep loss of my beloved that goes on every day. Thank you so much.
Our lives are more alike than you know: Jim and I met when I was a grad student & he a professor (and renowned scientist); he was 14 years older than me. We embarked on building a new life together with his 2 children, and his mother, and soon enough our two daughters. We faced those hard decisions and questions about careers, vocations, where and how to live. 41 years we shared of deepening love. For me, that loge keeps giving.
This is a wonderful essay teasing heart and mind to things divine. I know the places you speak of... Gooseberry Falls and the Lake (as we call it) and the winters bringing more than cold wind and snow, bringing a deep rooted commitment of the soul. And I know of your struggles internal to know each other and to know the God behind the mystery. Yes, we are sojourners reaching for God and he would be known. Thank you for your work and commitment.
Thank you so much for this vulnerable, honest reflection on love. It is a love I recognize so well. The complexity, the aching both to embrace and escape. Yes.
My husband and I just celebrated our 47th anniversary, lots of peaks and valleys and a few desserts… but we endure faithfully and prayerfully.
Sue, blessings on this impressive journey! And thank you for being here and for supporting this labor of love 🥰🙏😇
Thank you for sharing your deeply affecting love story, a marriage of mind and heart. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the ashes symbolizing sacrifice, an apt metaphor for some aspects of marriage.
Last year I shared our love story with the world, My Checkered Life: A Marriage Memoir.
Thank you, Marian for reading, and for being here. Have you written on your memoir on Substack yet?
Thanks for your interest, Almut. You can find me here https://marianbeaman.com
Just visited your website. How interesting, especially your Mennonite upbringing! You seem to have a rich story. Will you share it soon with us on Substack, too?
In a month I will be married 46 years and 5 years of dating/partnership. Love and marriage is messy, people are messy. I felt many emotions coming through from your writing. I felt your anxiety was palpable., hence the beauty of Ash Wednesday. Love will always be. Forever.
O wow! What a journey! And yes to the messiness and beauty of love ❤️
"With great love comes great loss"...I am the one left behind, after 48 yrs, making my way along the pilgrim road.
Thank you for the imagery .
Thank you, for being with us, Kathleen!
Yes I can relate. My husband and I are sitting across from each other in our living room , the sun going down here on Burnaby Mtn., in Burnaby , BC, Canada. Many days we mention the reality of one of us not being here at some point. We’ve have been married for soon 52 years with many challenges of a long marriage. Valentines Day and Ash Wednesday go well together. All I can say is that I am so grateful for where this life has taken us with God holding our hands. It has been hard but so full of meaning and lessons in what actually love is. Thank you for your writing .
“With God holding our hands…” so well said! Thank you, Marjun!
Reading this at the end of a long day, with some drama, not of my own making. Feet up, watching the lovely gentle snow that comes finally, for I am a snow person and was worried about the Earth when it reacts to our mishandling of her by being warm. Now, you: You are so helpful in your honesty and doubts, disappointments. I can hear you so clearly in all of this, dear Almut. And you echo our worries and ambivalence about this country, too. I loved hearing the beginning of the love story. We are dust and to dust we shall return.
So lovely, Mary, I actually sent my post from St. Paul and made my way back through the flurry 😇. And thank you so very much for your gracious support. I am stunned and grateful 🥰
You are a wonderful writer. This made me remember a music video from a couple of years ago. Both made me cry the first time I encountered them. Here's the link. https://youtu.be/-R4gSeY0XtY?si=0D4VhLtih9aibvoR
Thank you, Kelly, for your kind words! And thank you for the link. Looking forward to unpack it 😇🙏
"If we love deeply we will loose deeply." This a million times over!
Thank you for sharing your profound love (and loss) story. Your vulnerability here about what it means to love is real and needed among the saccharine nature of Valentine's day. And I appreciated your naming of the losses that keep coming throughout marriage (Might be especially on my mind as I prepare a post all about types of loss for tomorrow). And what a beautiful blessing by Chuck, it was neat to get to know him a little more here and more of your love story.
Thank you so much, Christine, it is indeed a balancing act how to reveal and how to show up vulnerable in writing, isn’t it? Thank you for reading and for sharing how it spoke to you 🙏
Thank you for your honesty in your written piece today. I hope and pray for that kind of committed love.❤️🩹
Thank you so much, Debbie for being here and for reading. And blessings to your ❤️🩹
Almut, such a powerful and poignant writing from your heart and soul. Your honesty and forthrightness allows us, me, to breathe, I'm at the age of reflecting on those struggles of where I imagined and where I found myself years later. Oh, so many roads, so many twists and turns and tragedies. And the greatest tragedy was having that deepest love and losing it, losing him. Yet, I disagree with you a bit, love, in my experience does keep on giving in an unexpected way...in stories. Twelvel years ago or so, my wonderful husband completely remodeled the downstairs bathroom. When he showed me his masterpiece, I asked, ah, where is the heat? He looked at the floor, let out a few choice words and said he forgot to cut the tile for the heat vent. He assured me, he would take care of it looking at me with his huge blue eyes and a bear hug. Ted died seven years ago. Since then on very cold winter mornings, I step in and step out and with all the love in my heart exclaim, "Damn it, Ted" The love is as alive as it was the day we gazed at that bathroom floor. For with my exclamation, all the warmth of my love for him sweeps through me...I've been loved and I've been loved by him. His love resides in my soul. What a gift.
Kathleen, thank you so much for your great comment and for disagreeing with me! Because you are so right and so point on. I had stumbled over this sentence about Love which does not go on giving every time I edited my piece. Who put this sentence even in there?! it is not right, or only right in some cases, or depending what kind of love we are referring to.
You are so right, the beauty of love is that it connects us to the realm of transcendence, that it is itself a gift of eternity shining into our life. And as you know even the love between partners transcends death and isn’t it what consoles the one who stays behind?
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of Ted and you. As always it has your very special humor 😇
I will have to rewrite my piece, yes I do. Because “faith, hope, love” are the most important gifts but love is the greatest among them. What is limited is our ability to love or the one we love or our commitment to love. But love itself is a gift from beyond we can only participate in but we can’t own it and thus not even loose it! How consoling.
Thank you, thank you, dear friend, for making it right !🥰
Almut, thank you for your response. I so appreciate your wisdom and knowledge and helping me embrace the transcendence of and expanse of love.
Thank you for your authenticity.
🙏
Oh how this resonates with me! Our stories quite similar. Your reflections help me learn how to think about my marriage, my memories of its difficult times, and to sustain the deep loss of my beloved that goes on every day. Thank you so much.
Donna, bless you. Indeed you have been on my heart writing this 🙏
Our lives are more alike than you know: Jim and I met when I was a grad student & he a professor (and renowned scientist); he was 14 years older than me. We embarked on building a new life together with his 2 children, and his mother, and soon enough our two daughters. We faced those hard decisions and questions about careers, vocations, where and how to live. 41 years we shared of deepening love. For me, that loge keeps giving.
Yes, love keeps giving, thank you, Donna!
This is a wonderful essay teasing heart and mind to things divine. I know the places you speak of... Gooseberry Falls and the Lake (as we call it) and the winters bringing more than cold wind and snow, bringing a deep rooted commitment of the soul. And I know of your struggles internal to know each other and to know the God behind the mystery. Yes, we are sojourners reaching for God and he would be known. Thank you for your work and commitment.
Henry, thank you so much! Yes, sojourners we are. Thank you for journeying with us 🙏
I loved reading this. Thankyou (from an Australian reader)
Thank you, Robyn Ann, and thank you for being here 🥰
Thank you so much for this vulnerable, honest reflection on love. It is a love I recognize so well. The complexity, the aching both to embrace and escape. Yes.
Tears and a smile mingle even as I barely breathed reading as your words tended my heart. Sigh!